I’m Worrying Again

Time for another morning ramble.

Some of you may or may not remember a post involving some suspicious abdominal pains and later, a doctor’s visit for some blood tests. The results showed that everything was fine, and the pains had stopped, and I was nearly given a chance to forget.

I’ve developed some new pains now. All of which I’ve never experienced before taking Lithium. I thought I had a hell of a backache yesterday, uncommon enough in itself, but as the day moved on I began to realize the pains were situated around the area of my kidneys. Fucking A! Don’t tell me my kidneys are being fucked up now. I have been sure to drink plenty of water since starting the medication. Not only can it dehydrate you but it is hard on the kidneys. I’ve been micturating every couple of hours. I guess drinking the water hasn’t been enough. Strangely enough the pains disappeared when I got some food in my stomach.

Once again, I’d like to reiterate that pains, for me, do not always mean something’s wrong. But it’s still severe enough that I’m worried about being able to continue the Lithium, yet again. I thought that was behind me.

On top of that, the area around my thyroid’s been bothering me. Imagine having a thumb shoved into the area below your adam’s apple with as much strength as a thumb can muster. Did I mention there’s also a golf-ball stuck in your throat?
It’s not constant and is most bothersome in the afternoon. Good thing here is, if my thyroid is having problems, many people on Lithium have been given a thyroid hormone on top of it, and been able to continue the treatment.

As far as symptoms go, besides the physical sensations I’ve not been showing any signs of thyroid or kidney problems.

I’m thinking about going back to the doctor to have my blood tested, again. I thought they had done a thorough thyroid, kidney, and liver check but upon getting online and checking the results for myself, I’ve realized all they ordered was a basic metabolic panel. Alone it can signify problems in most of those areas, but I would like some more specific tests.
If, once again, I’m told everything’s fine, then everything will be fine. Even if these pains continue, I can handle that. The pain isn’t really the problem here, it’s the worry that’s been accompanying it. I got a little snappy with my roommate last night. I must be a little on edge from all this. Of course I apologized and we’re good. He’s used to me being the occasional ass, although I’ve been a lot more tolerable on this new form of treatment. I don’t have to wake up in the morning pissed off about being alive anymore. Makes a big difference!
So many differences the new medication has made. I don’t know if I can survive without it. Not sure now if I’ll even survive with it, considering. Ugh. Tired of worrying! Helps to get it out. My favorite form of denial is to simply not think or talk about what bothers me. Bury that shit.

I’m not burying this.

I all the sudden care about my self and my body and my life.
All I can do now is make another doctor’s appointment and keep my fingers crossed.

If any of you believe in good vibes or good luck, you can go ahead and send that shit my way. I won’t turn any of it down.

–Worried me


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Filed under kidneys, lithium, mad ruminations, medication, thyroid, worry

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