Well, I had tried going to sleep a little early tonight. I was feeling pretty exhausted around 10:30, but something’s disturbed my efforts at slumber and I’m hoping it’s something I’ll forget by morning, not another prodrome leading towards insanity.
I was a little hungry before getting in bed, so I had one hell of a baked potato–don’t worry, that detail is actually important–then took a Risperdal and a Neurontin; my most crucial bedtime medications. I haven’t needed Soma, Benadryl, or even Melatonin to help me sleep recently. I got in bed and began to drift off, but right at that moment before sleep takes over, I’d be jolted awake by a rush of anxiety out of nowhere. It passed as full consciousness returned and I proceeded to restart my path into dreamland from the beginning. This happened, fuck, I don’t know, seven or eight times before I finally just got out of bed and made myself some hot tea to calm my nerves.
That was just a few minutes ago. The anxiety is too skittish while I’m alert to come out and play. Still, I don’t feel one-hundred percent normal. I can’t put my finger on it. All I know is I’m alone–my roommate’s sleeping–and there’s nothing worse than feeling as if you’re going mad without another soul to verify one way or another. Tried texting Briley but she must be sleeping. I don’t feel insane. Is this just some random, freak occurrence? I’m not hearing or seeing things, that I’m aware of, though Mintkey has a new spot on her back I’d never noticed before. That could be caused by Rick’s ’88 IROC dribbling oil like a sneezing convalescent onto the carport concrete. Soon as I’m done typing I’ll attempt to wipe it off.
I mentioned the baked potato because, silly as it sounds, this could all be that baked potato’s fault. I know it’s not healthy to go to bed on a full stomach. It can cause reflux and a whole slew of other symptoms. I know I had just a bit of heartburn as I first laid down. Have I solved a riddle or am I merely justifying?
I truly have no fucking clue. Can someone PLEASE let me know if I seem lucid? Tell me I worry too much while you’re at it, although I have only been sane for the past two weeks out of the last few years. Who wouldn’t worry?
–Man whose ass is easily handed to him by evening potato.