My head was swimming with the hundreds of things I wanted to write about, but now that I sit down my mind has gone blank. Can you publish a blank blog post? Should I attempt it?
Michelle and I are going out tonight. We’re going to dinner and then to a party somewhere or other with some of her friends. I’ve done some thinking concerning how I tend to guard myself from people, keeping the things that are close to me behind emotional lock and key. I’ve decided I’m not going to do that with her. Everything is going out on the table tonight including the problems concerning my mental health. If I’m going to share anything lasting and meaningful with this woman, she’s going to find out sooner or later. Tell her now and if she can’t handle it, she can duck out before things get serious. I don’t want this to be a waste of time.
I see you’ve
Come this far.
Why not read
A little further?
There is nothing here
That can hurt or
What you see
Far from something.
These words are nothing.
I’ve been busy copying some of my poetry into that leatherbound journal I bought a while back. It’s going to be a Christmas present. Don’t know for whom. For a while I was sure Briley would be the recipient, but now I’m not so sure. Still I’m fighting to fill the pages by Christmas, as if someone is expecting it. Don’t know why I’m laboring over it anymore. I suppose it’s just something for me to do. I’ve been having trouble entertaining myself. There is absolutely nothing to do at midnight in this town. It’s either chilling with the group at Waffle House or attending the occasional party full of mostly teenagers. Paducah isn’t much better–it’s just bar after bar. I don’t drink. Haven’t had a drink in years. I’m rather proud of that fact.
I’m just typing with no fucking purpose whatsoever. I should stop. I should delete the whole thing. Will I? I used to burn all of my writing on a weekly basis. Now, the shit I wrote months back is here for all to see. It’s quite a change. I barely use my journal anymore. When I need to write something, it’s wordpress always. I think one reason is the support I get from my friends and followers. It helps me realize I’m not so broken that people can’t relate to me.
That might not be right.
I do know I like you guys. Seriously. A round of love goes out to you all. I’m buying.