The Fall

A couple things happened before my little road trip, that prompted me to set out in the first place. I didn’t feel like writing about them when they happened. In fact I still don’t, but I owe it to you all who have followed me through life all these months, to keep you updated.

I quit my job at the sushi restaurant. I’ve just been too far gone. I asked for part time and they wanted me to work five days a week, three of those days being twelve hour shifts. I’ve been on the verge of insanity recently and know where my boundaries lie. They were just asking too much of me. End of story. I don’t even feel like looking for another job.

Another thing is, Michelle and I broke up. I really have been in a bad place. She couldn’t take the crazy; said I scared her. That really upsets me. I don’t know what I did or said, but I do know I never would have hurt her. I miss her. I’ve been so lonely, I’ve started daydreaming again, which only separates me from life further.

I’ve been on a downward spiral for a few weeks now. I am just holding on moments at a time. Traveling helped, but upon arriving home I’ve fallen into the same old funk. My car has decided to refuse to start without a new battery, and I lack the motivation to do anything about it.
I have been taking all my medications on the dot, night and day, but I’m afraid it’s not cutting it. I don’t know how to pull myself out of this. I’ve even thought about buying a big bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniels. I really am this close. I feel I’ve given up already as it is. My give a fuck has up and gone.
Who here has pulled themselves out of a funk? How did you do it? How much chocolate do I have to eat? How do we deal with things that are unbearable? I have so many questions for the wise.

–desperate

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under mad ruminations

2 responses to “The Fall

  1. The one-day-at-a-time approach is the only way I’ve found to get through it… *hugs* I hope better times are in store for you.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s