After a little bit of soul searching, I’ve finally realized that I’m incapable of letting anyone get close to me. As soon as my relationships approach a certain point, I always find a way out by making up whatever excuse is convenient. It’s not that I don’t want an intimate relationship with someone. It’s because I’m afraid of getting hurt. I’m afraid of putting my all into anything. It makes for a miserable existence.
I want to change this. I need to be able to live. I don’t know how to. Lots of therapy maybe? Even that’s a long shot.
The worst part about all this is that I hurt people. It’s not intentional but it’s inexcusable all the same.
Kari, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.
This has been a public service announcement.