Monthly Archives: June 2015

Sea Vines

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Acrylic and interior paint on the back of linoleum.

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Filed under art, artwork, painting, sea, vines

A Butt-ton of Buttons

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Spray paint on artist’s paper.

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Filed under art, buttons, painting

Souvenir

Here I hold
This souvenir;
Tattered and
Broken and
Falling apart.
Still I carry it.
A reminder of
The darkest days
Of northern winter.
Still I carry it.
Many time I’ve tried
To shield it
From my mind,
In the back
Of a drawer
Or some
Deep
Dark
HOle.
It only goes on
Haunting me
Long year
After year.
.
.
Now that I’ve
Retrieved it
I see it
Holds a jewel.
That I might be
Whole and
No longer a stranger
To the world.
Beautiful in
Absoluten
Zerrissenheit.

Wiedervereinigung.

What I’ve found,
You see,
I can no more forget
Than I can
Forget to breath.
What I’ve found,
You see,
This tattered souvenir
Is me.

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Filed under child, poem, poetry, ptsd, souvenir, suppression

Five and a Half Minute Hallway

My theme song.

LYRICS:

I live at the end of a 5 and 1/2 minute hallway
But as far as I can see you are still miles from me
In your doorway

And oh by the way
When the landlord came today
He measured everything
I knew he’d get it wrong
But I just played along
Cause I was hoping I would fix it all

But there’s only so far I can go
When you’re living in a hallway that keeps growing
I think to myself
5 more minutes and I’ll be there

Inside your door
But there’s more to this story
Than I’ve been letting on
There are words made of letters
Unwritten
And yes I forgive you
For leading me on

You can think of it like this
When you can’t resist
I’m in your hallway standing on a cliff
And just when I think I’ve found the trick
I’m tumbling
Like an echo

‘Cause there’s only so far I can go
When you’re living in a hallway that keeps growing
I think to myself
30 seconds and I’ll be there

I’ll be there.

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Filed under music

Psycho

some sick deranged violence
almost turned me to a killer.
some motherfucking psycho
almost made me who he was.
some heartless sufferer
gave his suffering to me
and i almost passed it on
to the innocent.
you could have made me
hateful,
and i believe you did.
but not hateful as you
with all your cruelty
i somehow managed
to overcome.

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Filed under abuse, hate, poem, poetry, psycho, ptsd, suffering, trauma

Beatrice

This is where
My words leave you,
She said,
Before she disappeared
Altogether.

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Filed under absence, beatrice, dante, moving on, poem, poetry

Some Might Say

One of my favorite songs before I even became a teenager.

LYRICS:
Some might say that sunshine follows thunder
Go and tell it to the man who cannot shine
Some might say that we should never ponder
On our thoughts today cos they will sway over time

Some might say we will find a brighter day
Some might say we will find a brighter day

Cos I’ve been standing at the station
In need of education in the rain
You made no preparation, foiled my reputation once again
The sink is full of fishes
Cos she’s got dirty dishes on the brain
It was overflowing gently but it’s all elementary my friend

Some might say they don’t believe in heaven
Go and tell it to the man who lives in hell
Some might say you get what you’ve been given
If you don’t get yours I won’t get mine as well

Some might say we will find a brighter day
Some might say we will find a brighter day

Cos I’ve been standing at the station
In need of education in the rain
You made no preparation foiled my reputation once again
The sink is full of fishes
Cos she’s got dirty dishes on the brain
It was overflowing gently but it’s all elementary my friend

Some might say,
You know what some might say.

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Filed under music

Mirror

Don't you dar e
Look in the     Mirror.
Don't yo         u ever
Turn               around. 
You                 just keep on
Ha                   ting me
W                     ithout thinking
W                     here the faults 
Ar                   e found.
You                 see
The t             hings
You loat         he in me,
But you ch      oose
Invisibilit    y
        When you 
  Stare yourself down.

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Filed under concrete, judgement, mirror, poem, poetry

Pretty Ominous Eternal Messages

i'd like to lean back
with lean eyes fixed
to sky horizon sigh
and watch it all
 atTract the wrong
nUmerous cloud high stalls,
 remeMbrance of the fall
just might Bring
a new reaLization of
 Eternity's call.

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Filed under acrostic, destruction, poem, poetry, transformation

Alright

Dear piece of me that I’m missing,
The life that we’ve been living
Is only mediocre.
Painful at best.
Tragic at worst.
But it’s over now and
Everything’s going to be alright.

Dear little child that outruns fear,
Stop and turn and chase the tears.
They won’t hurt you.
Orgasmic release
Sparkles in each.
The time is now and
Everything’s going to be alright.

Dear to you that renders me broken,
Dismemberment that rips me open,
The stitches are here.
Sewing on buttons
To counter fear.
This spool’s almost through and
Everything’s going to be alright.

Everything’s going to be alright.

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Filed under buttons, hope, poem, poetry, ptsd, tears