To Janine

How can you see the good in me?
Is your vision x-rayed or is my aura displayed?
Surely it is black and blue
Like my heart that’s held with glue.
You cast your green eyed glance
With infinite chance bestowed upon me so.
I let you down
I keep letting you down
Yet you keep me in your home
And in your bed if it suits me so
Or the attic if I choose to go.
I’m either inside you or gone wayside.
Yet you keep me alive as if I’m your pet
Or a child with the wrong mindset.
Beautiful woman both broken and wise
How do you let me tell you lies?
Or allow me near your own offspring?
Surely you’ve reserved something
That makes you wonder if its right
Or if I’m adding to their plight.
I have to repair that motherly stare
Of which I’ve become so aware
Of my shortcomings.
And all the things
And ways that I’m unworthy of you
And all the good you choose to do
For me.
I’m absolutely gone.
How to repair what I’ve done wrong
When I’m so sick and dead inside.
I don’t deserve to be alive
Least of all the love you give
I’ll try to fix it as long as I live.
Today’s the day I find a way
To make me worthy of your violet rays.

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