Tag Archives: death

Nurture, Nature, Blame your Creator

Nature passed down like

Winding stairs

And nurture hidden

In absent stares.

I meander with the pain in

The visions of sin

And I’ll die kicking

When my legs give in.

Fuck you, letting illness

Dwindle your control.

Fuck me for my aversion

To being consoled.

I’m wrong, I’m wrong.

My heart recoils.

Between me and you

Is ten feet of soil.

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Wash, rinse, repeat, repeat. . .

Time’s no circle 

But it rhymes.

I bet my last minutes

And a dime.

There is no limit

To how long we die

And no faith in it

To ask how or why.

Birth is to begin

A drawn out end

And no validation

To the pain of elimination.

I can’t get there fast enough

When the rivers run dry

And the road is rough.

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Clouds of Grey

A house is not a home 

For the images of storms reborn in scorn.

I wake in the mornings to say

Fuck not again.

The sun is gone when

Clouds are always seeping 

Through the fringe.

The darkness and

The silence

Insist they are my friends.

There are no rules when

It winds down to

Someone’s end.

I close my eyes and die

Repeatedly again.

.

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Rock Bottom

Life has gone and love is spent.

I’m rabid in my countenance.

I fall I fall I hit the ground,

The cycle spinning round and round.

And if you fell as hard as me

You’d be impaled

Far far beneath the sea.

But I can’t even fall asleep.

Irony loves company.

Be gone from me, I’m used to this

I’m holding life in balled up fists.

No chance, no chance,

The pattern persists.

If I could only wake when I’m over this.

Though by that time I’ll be long dead,

With memories of loss at stead.

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Crucifixion

Damn my conscience,
Let’s crucify it.
I’m no carpenter but
I could do a cross justice.
We will feed it vinegar
In a sponge on a stick.
We can barter its things
While doing parlor tricks.
And when it’s gone
The earth won’t shake
But my forsaken heart
Will break.
Evil will commence
its march within.
And I’ll be gone.
I’ll feel no sin.

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Let it be.

My heart will not sing effervescent
Of my fatal acquiescence
For what becomes this day.
Though if a single victory is won
It would not leave my fate unspun
To coil round a better way.
The flies of death gnaw my flesh from within
It leaks from my bowels, nose eyes and skin.
This prison I know
Pain so personally alone
Rotten like some uttered mortal sin.
If this were bleach running thru my veins
It might be some relief, should I dare to phrase.
To the world I am naught.
Wiped clean like a page.
Or a sacrificial turn,
Like a book that was burned.
To heaven I refuse to offer a cry
As if by so living I’m a putrid lie.
Let it be.

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Heaven Owes Me Everything

Am I going home or
Am I already gone?
This could be heaven or
The end of the world.
I’m speeding through arches and
Hallways and doors.
I must be dead or
I must be dead wrong.

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I’ll Follow You

The years have been hard
And as you know lonely.
Perhaps less for you and more for me. . .
Who knows?
You’ve watched me try
To fill the empty spaces
That were left by you alone. . .
But none were as empty as you.

I clutch my neck and feel
My nails dig into my skin.
The feeling reminds me of you, although
You never really did it, did you?
Funny how memory distorts
Myth from reality.
And you have been a myth
For so long.

It’s you. It’s always been you.
You showed me darkness
Along with gold that twined and touched your heart.
It’s gone now. I sold it.
And I have nothing left.
Nothing to cling.
No picture to hold.
But I won’t need them anymore.

I’m coming home
To my first love,
Call me Oedipus or call me dumb.
There is no more.
I’ve said enough.
Lest the masses grasp me
With their greasy hands
And try to keep me from you again.

 

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Rotten

The fiendish traveler
Makes his way
Across decayed cities.
Each decrepit structure
A metaphor for pain.
Rotting and broken teeth
Line his gums like sentries.
How many pills will it take
To sleep away this pain?
Just one more and
He may never wake.
Leaving his body
To catch up
With his teeth.
A sad sight for
What the world has made.

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Filed under poem, poetry, ptsd

For my Mother

You told me that I admit a glow.
Just like the sun. Just like the sun.
I was the light of your world like a ray of hope.
And I’d love to bring that smile on.

You’d combed your hair and just for me.
And sing those songs. Those childhood songs.
Your pills stuffed under bed railings.
Your days are long. Your days are long.

Change before you break
Your behaviour’s at stake
You’re getting nowhere fake
But the ashes you’ll make.

Your freedom is hidden in an urn
Your ashes burned
That I never came to claim.

I’m the reason that you’re dead
Your letters I has read
But never responded.
I didnt respond.

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