Tag Archives: depression

Manic

Manic is

A sleepless night

And singing

Wayward songs,

Talking miles to myself

And my cats

And your spectre eyes

And the wall.

Sitting still

Is not enough.

Heat rises

In the sloping heart

As it continues

Thump by thump.

Don’t go to sleep

Don’t close your eyes as

Sadness awaits

The other side.

One more cup of

Coffee please.

I grind my teeth.

I skin my knees.

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Addict

I sleep.

I dream.

I feel nothing.

Take my life

And shove it.

I don’t care.

Worries

Hover

Everywhere.

I turn up

The beat.

I’m incomplete.

My head pounds

And my hands

Shake.

My only joys

Are fantasy

Fakes.

I pop a pill.

The world

Gets still.

Self-awareness

Becomes

Alright

Though something

Within me

Always dies.

Why?

Nothing.

Nothing here.

God might

Save me

If he had ears

Or if I 

Could speak.

I’m incomplete.

Broken and torn

To the madness

I’m sworn.

I will

Endure.

For my will

Is stronger 

Than yours.

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Nurture, Nature, Blame your Creator

Nature passed down like

Winding stairs

And nurture hidden

In absent stares.

I meander with the pain in

The visions of sin

And I’ll die kicking

When my legs give in.

Fuck you, letting illness

Dwindle your control.

Fuck me for my aversion

To being consoled.

I’m wrong, I’m wrong.

My heart recoils.

Between me and you

Is ten feet of soil.

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Wash, rinse, repeat, repeat. . .

Time’s no circle 

But it rhymes.

I bet my last minutes

And a dime.

There is no limit

To how long we die

And no faith in it

To ask how or why.

Birth is to begin

A drawn out end

And no validation

To the pain of elimination.

I can’t get there fast enough

When the rivers run dry

And the road is rough.

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Devil’s Drum

Not worth the time

Of what could be

When sadness plays

In litany

(hazardously free)

And validation

Never comes

For with no eyes-

no heart to love..

(below or above)

The blackest panther 

In the room

Is just the moments.

They are my doom.

(a sad little tune)

Do not slave

My heart to run.

It gallops and bucks

Like the devil’s drum.

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Strong

It’s trial and error

That chills my blood.

Bore to be the bearer

Of the error if you should.

Scorned to see the wearer

Of the faces in the woods.

Born to take whatever

Without guessing if I could.

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Get out while you still can

I feel I’ve woken up

From a long nightmare,

While I know tomorrow’s hatred

Comes in one and a pear.

Picking up the pieces

Scattered dimes in a minute,

And wait for them to fall

When my heart’s not in it.

I miss the wise old monk

Who has departed from this town. .

I now wait only for the winter

To cast her petty minions down.

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Train

These tracks go on

For a thousand miles.

A wide grin.

A toothy smile.

A bumpy ride

For broken bones

And cavities

Are more than holes.

I’m alone as she

Looks up at me

And turns my frown

To mockery.

The titter tatter

Of the train

That’s spanned my thoughts

For days and days.

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Gone Wrong

Where are your eyes

When your soul has fled

To desires unmet?

From pain in protest?

When did they see

It was worse all along?

Your heart has gone.

Again and again

Has all meaning gone wrong.

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Enough

Leagues enough
Won’t leave enough
To find a new way.
Trees enough
But not leaves enough
To change change change.
I stand and watch
As the people botch
Any reason for their stay.
Feathers fall
From my wings too much
And I can’t fly away.

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