Tag Archives: loss

Nurture, Nature, Blame your Creator

Nature passed down like

Winding stairs

And nurture hidden

In absent stares.

I meander with the pain in

The visions of sin

And I’ll die kicking

When my legs give in.

Fuck you, letting illness

Dwindle your control.

Fuck me for my aversion

To being consoled.

I’m wrong, I’m wrong.

My heart recoils.

Between me and you

Is ten feet of soil.

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Minty Fresh

I’m on fire like the sun

And I’m hollow as the moon,

So say the wise if I ring out of tune.

And every wayward drunken misstep

Was just the song of my regret,

And all that monkey business

Were oscillations caught between us

Tolling death.

I think I’d rather have

The Minty Fresh.

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LettingĀ 

She came from her room

Where the doe eyes shone

A general mess

Dripping blood on the floor

On her heels and dress.

Someone left her alone.

“You must always look nice 

For a special occasion”

And for a time she sang this 

Just days before she thought best

To end her life.

butcher knife liaison

Demonstrating this.

Her purple heels smeared red blood

On the tiles speckled blue.

Before she nearly fell

In that chair for a while

And I held her together

As best as I could,

For what else could I do? 

But I didn’t know blood

Could flow like it would

For I was a child.

On that day they took

My mother away.

A once beautiful creature

 Turned rabid and wild.

Dragged from the foyer

Screaming my name.

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Epistolary

Wait for me.
Please wait for me?
I don’t know where you’ve gone.
Although you’ve up and
Disappeared
You must be somewhere
All along?
Race for you.
I’m racing for you.
I feel it faster every day.
Your absence growing
Every year
But still you fit my words
Like clay.

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Let it be.

My heart will not sing effervescent
Of my fatal acquiescence
For what becomes this day.
Though if a single victory is won
It would not leave my fate unspun
To coil round a better way.
The flies of death gnaw my flesh from within
It leaks from my bowels, nose eyes and skin.
This prison I know
Pain so personally alone
Rotten like some uttered mortal sin.
If this were bleach running thru my veins
It might be some relief, should I dare to phrase.
To the world I am naught.
Wiped clean like a page.
Or a sacrificial turn,
Like a book that was burned.
To heaven I refuse to offer a cry
As if by so living I’m a putrid lie.
Let it be.

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I’ll Follow You

The years have been hard
And as you know lonely.
Perhaps less for you and more for me. . .
Who knows?
You’ve watched me try
To fill the empty spaces
That were left by you alone. . .
But none were as empty as you.

I clutch my neck and feel
My nails dig into my skin.
The feeling reminds me of you, although
You never really did it, did you?
Funny how memory distorts
Myth from reality.
And you have been a myth
For so long.

It’s you. It’s always been you.
You showed me darkness
Along with gold that twined and touched your heart.
It’s gone now. I sold it.
And I have nothing left.
Nothing to cling.
No picture to hold.
But I won’t need them anymore.

I’m coming home
To my first love,
Call me Oedipus or call me dumb.
There is no more.
I’ve said enough.
Lest the masses grasp me
With their greasy hands
And try to keep me from you again.

 

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Light only stays tonight

As my world must surely pass away
I feel alone.
Tomorrow will be yesterday
Before it’s truly known.
As I meet you
So I’ve lost you
To memory, memory.
Nothing more
Than lonely tears
Through which I barely feign to see.
If I can learn
To mourn myself
Then how much more
For those I’ve held?

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Into Evening

So sings the evening
Of an old age receding
Into nothing left repeating
On and on.

Fading light contrasted
To the green that never lasted
Throughout time’s empty passage
To the dawn.

My continuance is done
Although words are left unsung
I’ve been running out of sun
And shades are drawn.

Now I limp my way to bed
Empty heart and empty head
Grieving for the life I’ve led
Those days are gone.

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Expiration Date

Loss
Is a meaning
In debt to denial.
Absurd
As all the world
And profound
As rabbit holes
Tucked under thick brush
And empty.
Where has life gone
When the flesh
Grows frozen
And fails to betray
Any signs
Of thawing?
It’s long gone.
Lost as I am,
I am loss in itself.
And aware of the
Audacity
Of death.

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The Vault

As I peeked inside the box
That contains my memories,
I found it as a tomb;
Sterile of life and
Cold and empty.
Full of so many years
Of decay and rot.
Repulsing my nose and
Reminding me again,
That there’s nothing left within
The years I’ve left behind.
So long gone are they all.
Memories of death
Are all that’s left and so
I can’t look back.
In fact,
I left that vault
When I denied my life
So many years ago.

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Filed under death, emptiness, poem, poetry, Uncategorized