Tag Archives: pain

Addict

I sleep.

I dream.

I feel nothing.

Take my life

And shove it.

I don’t care.

Worries

Hover

Everywhere.

I turn up

The beat.

I’m incomplete.

My head pounds

And my hands

Shake.

My only joys

Are fantasy

Fakes.

I pop a pill.

The world

Gets still.

Self-awareness

Becomes

Alright

Though something

Within me

Always dies.

Why?

Nothing.

Nothing here.

God might

Save me

If he had ears

Or if I 

Could speak.

I’m incomplete.

Broken and torn

To the madness

I’m sworn.

I will

Endure.

For my will

Is stronger 

Than yours.

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Deceived

Dead of night

Cold

Not a star in mine eyes.

Led

By a goddess

Divine

And in white.

She nails me.

To a tree.

My heart caves empty.

Her touch

Is too shocking.

My pain

And my sweat

Recoil my offering.

She attacks.

My heart pulls back.

The moon 

Implodes.

She shows no reaction.

Her cover 

Is blown.

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Wash, rinse, repeat, repeat. . .

Time’s no circle 

But it rhymes.

I bet my last minutes

And a dime.

There is no limit

To how long we die

And no faith in it

To ask how or why.

Birth is to begin

A drawn out end

And no validation

To the pain of elimination.

I can’t get there fast enough

When the rivers run dry

And the road is rough.

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Crawl

somatoform disease,
i couldn’t walk for a week.
barbed wire wrapped around my bones
and each movement made a shriek.
i crawled on dirty carpet
and glass and hospital floors,
but no one ever helped me
they just made me feel ignored.
unimaginable pain.
i would pass out here and there.
the nurses told me to stop screaming
if i wanted proper care.
three thousand dollars
for a free humiliation.
no treatment for the pain
and no quick retaliation.
i crawled out of the hospital
tried to hide my snot and tears.
it’s all the same everywhere i go
it just confirms my fears.
piled bills are all reminders
of an act of inhumanity.
every time i turn for help
death steps a little closer to me.

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Let it be.

My heart will not sing effervescent
Of my fatal acquiescence
For what becomes this day.
Though if a single victory is won
It would not leave my fate unspun
To coil round a better way.
The flies of death gnaw my flesh from within
It leaks from my bowels, nose eyes and skin.
This prison I know
Pain so personally alone
Rotten like some uttered mortal sin.
If this were bleach running thru my veins
It might be some relief, should I dare to phrase.
To the world I am naught.
Wiped clean like a page.
Or a sacrificial turn,
Like a book that was burned.
To heaven I refuse to offer a cry
As if by so living I’m a putrid lie.
Let it be.

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Rotten

The fiendish traveler
Makes his way
Across decayed cities.
Each decrepit structure
A metaphor for pain.
Rotting and broken teeth
Line his gums like sentries.
How many pills will it take
To sleep away this pain?
Just one more and
He may never wake.
Leaving his body
To catch up
With his teeth.
A sad sight for
What the world has made.

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Filed under poem, poetry, ptsd

Some fact, some fiction, and yes, some truth.

The nurse can’t stand the sound of the screams
So she makes her way patiently to 601B.
A man mauled by wolves in tremendous pain
Although he babbles enough to be seen as insane.
Easy prey for a devil like her
As she speaks in tones of a concerned mother
Amid the false words and in just a short time
She injects his meds into her mainline.
She leaves him screaming as he was before.
Insists his reasons can’t be pain anymore.

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The Key

The stone door opens
As the key turns on,
Growling and rumbling
As it moves along.
I must have been
In that room for days,
But compassion, they say
Is only for the strong.

I carry here
This sacred key that
Only one with a heart
Could truly see.
It unlocks the door to
The deepest pain,
But compassion, they say
Is only for the brave.

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Filed under bravery, compassion, door, love, mintkey, pain, poem, poetry

Baby Bunnies

Mother nature’s
Extremely cruel.
She may administer
Her own
Brand of analgesic.
But not enough
For her insistent
Ends
Upon her own
Fluffy bunnies.

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Filed under nature, pain, poem, poetry

On Love, Violence, and other Truths.

Is love the basis                                                                                         For unforeseen emotion?

“I can’t see a thing!” But my psychopomp seems absent once again.


Surrounding us                                                                                                 are the living things…

And I’m frequently accosted by the same dead tree.

 


 

My point? Not sure if I have one. I’m a gentle person with a violent streak. A violet streak? And how many ways I’ve misdirected that rage! I had to find a healthy outlet. Writing is one thing but not exactly satisfying to the physical aspect. I’m celibate these days so rape is out of the question. (And if you take me seriously enough to be averse to that statement, you should be in church or a cooking class and not exposing your fragile psyche to one so frequently abrasive as I.) 1. l.

What is not so satisfying as a calm stroll through the sports section? followed by a careful selection in produce? Knock it. Sound good and hollow? Now calmly purchase that watermelon and baseball bat. Are you whistling a happy tune? Not already feeling better? Giggling to yourself, even? Gallagher must have had some serious fucking issues.

But beneath all the anger lies something most pure but easily misidentified. Pain, hurt. Just cry that shit out. Less harm in it. More therapeutic. No shame in it?? For every salty tear is a thought, crystallized and released. Let it go, eh? Perhaps, if we can cut all that dried up dinosaur sadness out of our diets.

 

–J

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