Tag Archives: suffering

Addict

I sleep.

I dream.

I feel nothing.

Take my life

And shove it.

I don’t care.

Worries

Hover

Everywhere.

I turn up

The beat.

I’m incomplete.

My head pounds

And my hands

Shake.

My only joys

Are fantasy

Fakes.

I pop a pill.

The world

Gets still.

Self-awareness

Becomes

Alright

Though something

Within me

Always dies.

Why?

Nothing.

Nothing here.

God might

Save me

If he had ears

Or if I 

Could speak.

I’m incomplete.

Broken and torn

To the madness

I’m sworn.

I will

Endure.

For my will

Is stronger 

Than yours.

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Reality

Some of you may wonder
Only upon seeing
How a single human being
Can withstand all this.
I can’t.
There goes your answer
For every inane disaster,
But only I can tell you
I’m not making up this shit.

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Crawl

somatoform disease,
i couldn’t walk for a week.
barbed wire wrapped around my bones
and each movement made a shriek.
i crawled on dirty carpet
and glass and hospital floors,
but no one ever helped me
they just made me feel ignored.
unimaginable pain.
i would pass out here and there.
the nurses told me to stop screaming
if i wanted proper care.
three thousand dollars
for a free humiliation.
no treatment for the pain
and no quick retaliation.
i crawled out of the hospital
tried to hide my snot and tears.
it’s all the same everywhere i go
it just confirms my fears.
piled bills are all reminders
of an act of inhumanity.
every time i turn for help
death steps a little closer to me.

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Sacrificial Love

A most ethereal

Creature of darkness

Unimaginable, 

Wandering dark, cold hallways

And emerging

To take advantage 

Of young girls

And their insecurities

Has found himself caught 

In a most insatiable trap.

Granting wishes

When stars align,

And for a million years

It’s been the same.

Until one day

Innocence wished

For his love

And he deteriorated 

To human form

To suffer the pain

Of existence scorned.

All for love.

All for love.

He is angry 

In this suffering.

To release omnipotence

For a human form.

He’ll suffer through,

And in the end

He’ll return.

Taking her with him

To wander dark hallways

No longer alone.

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Let it be.

My heart will not sing effervescent
Of my fatal acquiescence
For what becomes this day.
Though if a single victory is won
It would not leave my fate unspun
To coil round a better way.
The flies of death gnaw my flesh from within
It leaks from my bowels, nose eyes and skin.
This prison I know
Pain so personally alone
Rotten like some uttered mortal sin.
If this were bleach running thru my veins
It might be some relief, should I dare to phrase.
To the world I am naught.
Wiped clean like a page.
Or a sacrificial turn,
Like a book that was burned.
To heaven I refuse to offer a cry
As if by so living I’m a putrid lie.
Let it be.

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Stray

Someone tell me I’m dreaming.
Tell me this isn’t real.
Tell me I’m not the stray kitten
That was hit in the street
And writhed for hours
On baking hot pavement
Littered with trash and piss
Before someone finally
Came along
And crushed its head
With a Goodyear tire.
Tell me this isn’t real.

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Astray

Innocuous faults slip sideways down cooler springs.
Remembrance of thoughts slide headlong to deeper dreams.
It’s not the same,
When yesterday could have torn open its fray.
Things always change,
When head and heart find each other astray.
Lost is the name.
With a darkness so ingrained
And a heartache so deep,
The cracks in the walls
Are lined up to repeat
Dreams.
The meadowlark sings on her weary heartstrings.
Change.
The walls of the sick man forever deranged.

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Filed under change, darkness, flow, poem, poetry, suffering, thought