What’s low when
Mind matter finds rot
And jiggles like sludge?
Where do I go
When consciousness
Wants to be alone?
Where do I hide
When the lights are too bright
And my rusted bleeding scars are shown?
How do I write
When the woman beside me
Is talking on the phone?

Crucifixion

Damn my conscience,
Let’s crucify it.
I’m no carpenter but
I could do a cross justice.
We will feed it vinegar
In a sponge on a stick.
We can barter its things
While doing parlor tricks.
And when it’s gone
The earth won’t shake
But my forsaken heart
Will break.
Evil will commence
its march within.
And I’ll be gone.
I’ll feel no sin.

Still Souls to Me

What herbalist identified
The meaning of a tree?
Its sway and rise
And the drill-tap of roots,
Sinking back to an age
When meaning wandered off.

My Inner World is Not Winter

This personal blog post

Dreams, Streams, and Starry Things

is of great personal importance to me.

Tell me why before you beg to ask.

Accomplishments

My love tells me
Just accomplish two things
And then your day
Wont be a waste.
For a start
I’ll have you know
I’ve wiped my ass
Nine time today.
I took a shower and
Most of all
I caught a rat snake
And let him go
Instead of killing
To have my pain spread
Around like the smell
Of a rotten egg.
I’ve done some things.
“Accomplishments”
And still I only
Feel like shit.

Let it be.

My heart will not sing effervescent
Of my fatal acquiescence
For what becomes this day.
Though if a single victory is won
It would not leave my fate unspun
To coil round a better way.
The flies of death gnaw my flesh from within
It leaks from my bowels, nose eyes and skin.
This prison I know
Pain so personally alone
Rotten like some uttered mortal sin.
If this were bleach running thru my veins
It might be some relief, should I dare to phrase.
To the world I am naught.
Wiped clean like a page.
Or a sacrificial turn,
Like a book that was burned.
To heaven I refuse to offer a cry
As if by so living I’m a putrid lie.
Let it be.

To Janine

How can you see the good in me?
Is your vision x-rayed or is my aura displayed?
Surely it is black and blue
Like my heart that’s held with glue.
You cast your green eyed glance
With infinite chance bestowed upon me so.
I let you down
I keep letting you down
Yet you keep me in your home
And in your bed if it suits me so
Or the attic if I choose to go.
I’m either inside you or gone wayside.
Yet you keep me alive as if I’m your pet
Or a child with the wrong mindset.
Beautiful woman both broken and wise
How do you let me tell you lies?
Or allow me near your own offspring?
Surely you’ve reserved something
That makes you wonder if its right
Or if I’m adding to their plight.
I have to repair that motherly stare
Of which I’ve become so aware
Of my shortcomings.
And all the things
And ways that I’m unworthy of you
And all the good you choose to do
For me.
I’m absolutely gone.
How to repair what I’ve done wrong
When I’m so sick and dead inside.
I don’t deserve to be alive
Least of all the love you give
I’ll try to fix it as long as I live.
Today’s the day I find a way
To make me worthy of your violet rays.

Addiction

Soon oh so soon
This sadness will end.
And the prickly cold
That doth rise to my head
Only to break into sweat instead
Will subside.
Soon oh so soon
This dull ache will abate
From my feet to my head
As if the hour is late.
Soon very soon
I won’t be angry anymore.
The devil’s and demons
That knock at my door
Will sit down for a while,
We’ll palaver in style.
Just a tiny round green thing
And my whole world sings.
Really ten bucks and connections
is all it takes
To bring my world from nightmare
To wake.

There is nothing between meThe worldand its prickly things.
Sleepismyonly release from the RISE ANd fall of MeAnInG.
Shooting bears in my dreams and cutting fingers at the seams,
While the doctor sits in his tower coming
Down
    To
      Pick flowers.
They left me all

Alone

Again.
Gone to pray to their god again.
And I told them not to pray for me.
For what might be god has abandoned me.
And it seems to only make things worse
When I hear someone quoting 3.verse.
So I say fuck it, leave me alone.
Am I possessed?
Surely all those s’s aren’t getting along.

Twisted Writhing Igneous Newborns

I SAY TO YOU,
DEMONS AND DEVILS
AND SUCCUBI AROUND,
DARKEST ENTITIES OF ALL THE REALMS,
I AM OPEN TO YOU.
I INVITE YOU INTO ME
AS I HAVE MOVED THROUGH YOU.
THERE ARE MILES OF EMPTY SPACES INSIDE
IN WHICH FOR YOU TO COMFORTABLY ABIDE.
DEMONS AND DEVILS AND DARK ENTITIES ALIKE,
I’M NOT AFRAID.
I HAVE OPENED THE DOOR.
THE HOURS SPLATTER AS THEY HIT THE FLOOR.
NOTHING LIVES IN ME ANYMORE.

I hear your sound.
I have been lurking and I know your smell.
As we have been watching.
And Silently plotting.
Darkness and cold and places to hide.
As we enter, so we abhor.
And what does the raven say? Nevermore.