Solitude

There is only imitation

In grains of matter;

In rays of spattered light.

Nothing you could

Dare to scatter

Or enrapture in my life.

So I say goodbye 

Though I commend you for trying.

I’ve come to like

These empty rooms

And echoes like tombs.

Wouldn’t you?

I think I’d rather

Be alone.

Don’t come around,

There’s no one home.

Manic

Manic is

A sleepless night

And singing

Wayward songs,

Talking miles to myself

And my cats

And your spectre eyes

And the wall.

Sitting still

Is not enough.

Heat rises

In the sloping heart

As it continues

Thump by thump.

Don’t go to sleep

Don’t close your eyes as

Sadness awaits

The other side.

One more cup of

Coffee please.

I grind my teeth.

I skin my knees.

Nurture, Nature, Blame your Creator

Nature passed down like

Winding stairs

And nurture hidden

In absent stares.

I meander with the pain in

The visions of sin

And I’ll die kicking

When my legs give in.

Fuck you, letting illness

Dwindle your control.

Fuck me for my aversion

To being consoled.

I’m wrong, I’m wrong.

My heart recoils.

Between me and you

Is ten feet of soil.

Shunned

No mother, no father.

No sisters or brothers,

Grandparents or a lover,

Just my cats but

They don’t talk back

Though I wish they would,

But maybe it’s good.

Nor do they even

Make a sound

When they make their way

Down to the ground

But I do.

I am shunned and abandoned

Or I have shunned. .

But I’m lonely too.

Are you?

In the dark

I relax.

Unlike in the light. .

When my soul reacts

And all my miniscule

And lofty flaws

Cast shadows on the wall

Over ten feet tall.

This is my space

And with my disgrace

I sleep, I live,

With nothing but the me,

The useless me

To give.

A broken thing.

A compressed scream.

There is no one roundabout 

Or here,

To make my downfall

Any more clear.

Get out while you still can

I feel I’ve woken up

From a long nightmare,

While I know tomorrow’s hatred

Comes in one and a pear.

Picking up the pieces

Scattered dimes in a minute,

And wait for them to fall

When my heart’s not in it.

I miss the wise old monk

Who has departed from this town. .

I now wait only for the winter

To cast her petty minions down.

Heaven Knows

What triggers the alarm for me

Is the long lost law of infinity

That shines in your eyes

When you wake from sleep

And you’re countless conscious

fathoms deep.

It’s no surprise

The tide will rise,

And heaven knows

How hard I tried. . .

Enough

Leagues enough
Won’t leave enough
To find a new way.
Trees enough
But not leaves enough
To change change change.
I stand and watch
As the people botch
Any reason for their stay.
Feathers fall
From my wings too much
And I can’t fly away.

Worthless

I have stripped myself
Of every bare defence.
Every lie,
Every meaning I denied.
I’m nothing now.
Worthless.
Feeling comfort in my skin.
For nothing I will die
As nothing I begin.

Creating rabid yearning shouldn’t take a lot.

Long legs
Long cleavage,
In my loneliness so beautiful
And so I told her
In so many words.
Was it desire or pity
When an invite was proposed?
I may never know.
No need for booze, no need for weed,
But her sunshine smile drew me in.
We fucked like mad and for a moment
I forgot who I was, where I was,
How I was.
And so we did it all over again.
And it was then that I knew
I despised myself,
And so I left, walked out,
Sped away.
Dearest Crystal,
Stay beautiful,
But my odor should have been enough.
best to avoid the losers
And psychos
Like me.